Testimonials

Vivie's Story

Hi Dr. Sommer, I just wanted to say thank you for the information contained on your site.

I am twenty-seven years old and have not seen my biological father since I was eight. He and my mother divorced when I was one, but he continued to visit me until she remarried when I was eight. My earliest recollection was of her bad-mouthing my bio-dad. Until recently, I thought that was her way of being honest with me and keeping me safe from a horrible father. Now I understand it is PAS. And added to that, I recently learned that she has Borderline Personality Disorder which I am convinced contributed to her motivation to keep him away and me under her control.

In October of last year (2001), I called my bio-dad out of the blue. Chalk it up to Sept. 11 and wanting to tie up loose ends. Luckily for me, he had remained in the same house with the same phone number in the same city as me those 19 years...just in case I ever wanted to get in touch with him. That day I did.

Since then, we have been writing letters once a week (I would not allow phone calls) and yesterday I decided that I was finally ready to meet him. I am still not sure where to meet, but I would like too soon. I want to do this right and to be comfortable and to have an "out", but I am nervous and confused. That is why I turned to the Internet for information like you provide on your site.

Your article is right on for children (and adult children) who are estranged from their parent(s). The child really does need to see that their parent will do anything to keep in contact or meet them...and is willing to respect the child's boundaries. The child needs to have consistency of the parent's contact as well, as proof that the parent is going to "be there". (I almost want to require my biodad to meet me on a work day -- so he'd prove that I was more important than his job. But that is silly (and I know he'd show up anyhow!).)

Thank you for listening/reading. Have a good day,

Vivie

healingheart@cox.net

R.S. (name is respectfully being withheld because of minor children)

Dear Dr. Sommer

I know you have been the main architect of saving my children's future. It could have been destroyed if it was not for your exceptionally correct analysis of the situation and outstanding subsequent help and support.

I thank you... from the bottom of my heart and am grateful to you and am glad to have met you during this very complex time in my family's life.

R. S. - Winnipeg, Canada

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